ON A POTENTIAL MIRROR CRISIS, NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT

This morning, I started getting worried. Maybe it was the financial crisis, maybe the wars. But whatever it was, it got me thinking worse case scenario. I thought: What if every mirror in the world breaks? How will we know what we look like?

I crammed myself onto the Metrobus (it's like a bus except called a Metrobus) and pushed my way past all the people who were sweating in the 100 degree heat, smashed up against each other by the door. I walked over to the window, opened it so the temperature would drop down a couple of degrees (body temperature is the new room temperature) and then found a spot about 10 feet from the door where there was room to stand. Then I went back to worrying. "What in God's name would we do without mirrors?"

I walked in to the office and was greeted with "Hey white guy."

"Hey"

"You're really pink today."

"Am I?"

Later, "Hey your eyes are really red."

And, "Hey, white guy...or should I say pink guy, your eyes are really red."

"Hey, what's that on your nose?"

"A zit."

"Oh. You have a beard. And you are white. And you are bald."

"You have a zit today."

"Hey white guy. You're 5'9" and weigh 152 pounds. You are growing a patch of hair on your left shoulder but not so much on your right. Your legs are fairly hairy, especially in comparison with the people of my race. Your moustache isn't all that impressive. Your eyes are blue. You have small ears. Is that a zit?"

And so on...

You see, despite my worrying, I realized that if all of the mirrors break, we will always have Mexicans to tell us what we look like. They are very aware of if you are fat, what color your skin is, how tired you look, what new zits you have, if you are attractive or ugly and they are happy to tell you all the time. So, among all the potential worries, rest assured that any sort of mirror crisis would take some adjusting, but would not affect the quality of our lives.

So to all you anti-immigration folks out there, remember: Mexicans are our insurance against a global mirror crisis.